If anyone asked you what your day-to-day homeschool routine looked like, would your body tense up? Would your breathing change? Would your heartrate go through the roof?

Sometimes I think homeschool parents struggle to realize how much freedom they have in how they schedule their days. This is especially true for secular parents – as we often feel a greater need to prove our reasons for keeping our children out of the public school system and that it’s working. And also: loads of us experienced the public school system and we haven’t yet deschooled ourselves.

From what I’ve seen so far, secular homeschoolers tend to fall into two categories in the scheduling department: very loosey goosey with no real routine whatsoever, or very rigid and scheduled without a lot of time for developing your own interests. Both of which can lead to confusion and dysregulation in your homeschool. Absolutely no judgment if you fall in to either category. But if you feel like you’re struggling to keep your learners engaged, it may be time to analyze the rhythm of your day.

Before I get into the weeds here – know this: a homeschooling routine is not one size fits all. Nor should it be. That’s the beauty of homeschooling! Also know: I’m not here today to tell you how to plan your day. Well, I am – but I’m not here to tell you the details of what your flow should be. I am here to show you how you can use a popular pedagogy and your children to improve the rhythm of your day. Whether you’re a Montessori mom, a Charlotte Mason devotee, or an eclectic homeschooler, this post is for you. Let’s do this.

First things first, let’s be clear: you need a routine.

A household routine is important for everyone. Children need predictability and repetition. And as homeschool parents, routines are really important for us, too. A routine helps take some of the mental load off the homeschooling parent, and it also helps you plan your days and weeks without feeling frazzled. You (and your kids) know what’s coming and when. Additionally, because the predictability helps regulate the kids’ emotions, you will be spending less time (and emotional bandwidth) tending to meltdowns.

But a routine is different from a schedule.

A routine and a schedule are about as different as a peach and a nectarine. A schedule is rigid. For example, I need to wake up at 5:45 AM and then at 7:30 AM, we will eat breakfast. At 9 AM, we will begin math. I’m not a big fan of rigid schedules when it comes to homeschooling, and my mom (a retired schoolteacher) isn’t, either.

Here’s why: a schedule minimizes the ability to follow rabbit trails. Let’s say a child wants to continue reading, but you have to stop at noon because you have XYZ to do. You’ve now broken the flow of reading and inquiry. Some things take longer than we anticipate, and that’s just how it is. Peter Gray also discusses this a bit in his book. He theorizes that breaking the flow due to a rigid schedule teaches children apathy about the thing they’re learning. It’s a fascinating read.

That’s not to say that a schedule is never useful, though. For example, I know that my children need to eat at roughly 7:30, 9:30, 11:30, 2 and 5ish. If they don’t, our day will spiral into incessant snacking and Cat. 5 meltdowns. Some days, my alarm doesn’t go off and we sleep until 6:15, which means I won’t get my morning walk. In this situation, it doesn’t make much sense to push off breakfast to follow our routine. Instead, we use our mealtimes, nap times, and any hard-start/stop activities (like nature school) as anchors, and continue about our rhythm.

So, what’s the philosophy?

Early in our homeschooling journey, I read The Call of the Wild + Free and it totally changed my world. If you haven’t read it, you should. But that’s not what we’re talking about today.

In her book, Ainsley Arment talks about the different homeschooling methodologies. And I’ll be honest: I had a hard time picking just one that spoke to me! I did a lot of research on the ones that seemed to resonate best with our family, and in doing so, found pieces and parts I found beautiful about each. And then I realized: I don’t have to subscribe to any one particular methodology. Mind. Blown.

One methodology I researched early on was Waldorf. I tend to be a bit artsy-fartsy, so this seemed like a decent fit. If you don’t know much about Waldorf, that makes two of us. But what I did take from it was this idea of “inhales and exhales.” The idea is that children tend to have natural periods of expansion and contraction, and for maximum cooperation in your homeschool day, you can cultivate your schedule to meet your children’s natural inhale/exhale needs.

So what’s an expansion or exhale?

An expansion or exhale would also be known as the time when children are most active, busy, noisy and generally extra. In some circles, this would usually be referred to as “rough” or “outside” play. But what I’ve learned with a few kids running around is that no one child has the same personality and what may be an expansion for one, may be a contraction for another. You know your child best.

What’s a contraction or inhale?

On the other hand, “inhales” or “contractions” would be mealtimes or whenever a kiddo is reaching for quieter activities for them. Dolls, Lego, crafts, puzzles, books, even TV (gasp!) could all be considered “inhales.” Now… if your kiddo is smashing their Lego creations or their dolls are suddenly flying down a two-story deck railing in their convertible, that would most definitely fall under “exhale” category.

Okay, great. So how do I make this work?

This part is easy or hard depending on how much you have going on and how Type A you are. Grab a notebook and place it in a pretty central spot of your house. A pen is also required – so go through your junk drawer and grab your favorite. Now pretend you are a social scientist and just Watch. Your. Kids. Do it for like a week, and a pattern will certainly emerge between inhales and exhales. What happens when they wake up? Are they ready for the day or do they need time to come into their own space? Are they hungry when they first wake up or do they prefer to wait a while to eat? Are they insane or quiet after meals? How do they act before bath? Bed? When do you struggle the most with your homeschool day? No detail is too small. Slowly, but surely, you’ll start to see places where your subjects would fit best.

An unintended benefit of this exercise for our family was that I realized I had inhales and exhales that needed addressing, too. And by working with both my internal rhythm and my children’s, our days started functioning a lot more smoothly. For example, if I do not get my sunrise walk with my pup, I am an utter beast, and the rest of the day goes to hell in a handbasket. You might be surprised by what you discover about yourself as well as your family!

In case you’re curious, here’s an example of our daily rhythm.

So now’s the part where I give you an example of our day. By no means do I think this is how any other family’s day should go, but it’ll give you a good sense of how we’ve structured our days to lean into our family’s natural tendencies.

Here’s the method to my madness

First things first, nothing drives me more insane than wasted time. I don’t even like wasting time to go back upstairs to get changed. For that reason, I ask that everyone get dressed for the day before they come downstairs. This also keeps the littlest from changing her clothes 18 times because she’s bored waiting for her sisters to get ready.

After that, I head out for my morning walk. I do this first because it’s my insurance policy that no matter what chaos transcends upon our home, I have had the opportunity to think my own thoughts at some point in the day. As I mentioned, I am a total beast if I do not walk first thing in the morning. Because I crave intellectual stimulation, I typically pair this adventure with a podcast. This addresses my analytical / research brain, but also helps me come up with creative ideas to implement with our family.

Once I land home, we have breakfast and begin our day! At this point, You’ll notice that a lot of our instruction time revolves around meal or snack times. That’s because my kids are still young (3, 5, and 7). It’s almost impossible to keep my chatty three-year-old quiet long enough to have a conversation unless she has something in her mouth. Because of this, we also wait until early afternoon to do math and reading. My oldest and middle have a difficult time focusing with the three-year-old running around, so waiting until nap makes sense for us.

This is one spot I struggled with while developing our routine. I had really wanted math to be the first thing that happened in the morning after our morning basket, but I noticed my oldest was totally checked out and getting very frustrated with the noise in the house. Maybe the morning is typically quiet for you, and it works to schedule in the core subjects. The point is: homeschool is all about leaning into what works for your family and avoiding what doesn’t. You don’t have to fight the flow, nor should you unless you have a really good reason to. Decondition yourself from believing that your day has to look any particular way and be open to following what flows best for your crew.

Also remember: you’re going to have rhythms within rhythms.

Another important thing to remember in creating your routine is that you will have rhythms within rhythms. One thing I did differently this year was planning all of our “extra curriculars” in the afternoons. This allows us time during the day to focus on school, instead of shuffling around to activities. It also allows me to have one-on-one time with each child that I normally wouldn’t have. My oldest goes to nature school on Tuesdays, so I decided to make that a hiking day for the younger two. Because of how we’ve laid out our days, we don’t miss math and reading because nature school occurs in the morning. That allows us flexibility throughout the week in case… idk… our friend just had a baby and is feeling like she’s going insane. I say all this to make the point to look at your routine both on ground level, but also at a higher altitude, so that it all fits and flows both the way you want it to within your natural flow.

Now it’s your turn.

At this point in the post, you probably have an idea of what’s working – or not. I encourage you to get that notebook out and start observing what you’re noticing in your family. Keep the things that work, rearrange the things that don’t. Homeschool doesn’t have to (nor should it) be a similar experience to institutionalized / standardized education. No, you don’t have to start your day at a specific time unless that’s what works for your family. If you’re feeling friction, pivot and adjust. And even if you don’t follow this Waldorf philosophy, I promise that leaning into the flow, instead of going against it, is going to improve your days immensely!